He is the one that got away.

He is the one that never was.

He is the guy who teased you in school and then years later suddenly wanted you as another notch in his belt.

He is the guy you went out with a few times and liked, but you were in an emotionally raw place and couldn’t make sense of it yourself, let alone explain it to him.

He is the roommate of your college flame who you were always comfortable with and should have taken the chance with when the opportunity presented itself later.

He is the guy you met online, clicked with, talked to for hours, watched movies together over the phone, never met in person but he is still a part of your tribe.

He is the random guy that winked at you at the traffic light the other day.

He is the one you spent time with and fell in love with despite his making it clear it was just a physical attraction and relationship.

He is the one you dated years ago and still texts you from time to time.

He is your ex husband from so long ago that he is now a virtual stranger again.

He is the absent father of your child.

He is the friend that you took a chance on and it just didn’t work out.

He is your secret crush.

He is the narcissistic prick who strung you along for his own sick entertainment.

He is the the ex boyfriend with anger issues .

He is the one you think about late at night, wishing he would ask you out.

He is the cute Fed Ex driver who delivers your online shopping and always smiles and comments and stands there a few seconds longer than he should but he never crossed the line.

He is the random stranger who offers to buy you a drink.

He is that guy from years ago, the one time thing that you still keep in touch with on Facebook.

He is the one you have incredible chemistry with but he just wants to be friends.

He is the one who always says he is busy but you know it isn’t true.

He can be your everything today and just a memory tomorrow.

Don’t make it all about him. Don’t change for him. Don’t tolerate bad behavior. Don’t lose yourself. Don’t let a bad experience or experiences make you run away from something that could be truly wonderful.

It’s okay to be alone, even if you aren’t comfortable with it. It’s okay to figure out what you want/need.

When you are ready:

Do keep trying.
Do let him earn your trust.
Do give it an honest chance.

And for you guys that may be reading, change him to her and do the same.

Life is too short to settle but it’s also too short to not take a chance.

PS- Some of these “hims” are real, some are not. No offense intended if you see yourself in this post, it just means you made an impression on my life in some way.



I was driving from Texas to Alabama last week, closing out a solo 11 hour journey and singing along to the radio. As I belted out the words Bohemian Rhapsody, I noticed that my windshield was grimy from almost two weeks of exposure to high temps, desert soil and ocean mist. Sand, salt and several varieties of bird had left their marks on what had previously been a clean piece of glass. Ahead on the road were signs of a thunderstorm brewing: dark clouds, wind and hints of torrential rain spilling from the clouds. As much as I dislike driving in the rain, I welcomed the relief it would bring to my dirty car. As I continued into the first spattering of rain, I thought how nice it would be if other situations in life could be as easily removed from memory the way the rain was erasing the signs of my trip from the car. I had traveled to see someone with hopes of spending quality time together and seeing where it might lead. Sadly, the quality time was cut short and I ended up leaving early because of a difference of opinion. I silently wished as the rain cascaded down the windows that I could remove the memory of the last few days the way the water was removing the evidence of my travels. As I drove I cried a little, laughed at how silly it was to cry and got mad all in the space of a few songs. After a while the rain started to slow down, the sky ahead became clearer and suddenly there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky. I pulled over to get a picture ( something I do for rainbows, beaches, buildings, animals, flowers or anything else that catches my eye). Once I captured the brilliant colors with my phone, I sat for a minute longer, looking out at the sky. I could see traces of the rain still on the glass and along the edges where the windshield wipers didn’t reach, there were still remnants of the salt, sand and bird offerings. A second, more powerful thought jumped out at me. We can try to wash away bad memories and experiences but a part of them always remains. The thunderstorm was uncomfortable but having gone through it, I was rewarded with the rainbow. In parallel, maybe we should not try to erase the discomforts of life. Maybe we should keep “driving” and see what waits for us on the other side. The memory will always be there but if we are lucky, something good can still come from it, even if it is only a reminder of what we should avoid in the future.